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(closed on weekend and holiday)
I was taking a nap on a weekend afternoon due to a terrible hangover after boozing the day before. I was awakened by the phone ringing, and was surprised.
“Hi, Mr Lee. I think I will marry soon. I will send you the remuneration.”
I was happy to know that I would get the commission. I was happier when I got to know the caller’s name. She was a female member of Sunoo Inc. who had waited for long time and had strived to marry. I met her three years ago, and she is now 36 years old born in 1983.
She was a real beauty, and very active in exercises for her health. Besides, she was kind of a career woman who makes lots of income. She was more qualified than marrying several times. I could not understand why she was not married until her mid-thirties.
In the first year, she had several meeting with men, but she did it in vain. I mean she could not have a successful marriage in the first year. Her mother called me, and said,
“Mr Lee, Please find my daughter’s bridegroom. I will compensate as much.”
Her mother did not hurry me even though she was anxious to marry her old daughter anyways.
>“Ma’am, There is no reason why your daughter would not find her bridegroom soon. Please wait a little bit more.”
A year passed after this talk. There were several attempts for meeting but every meeting was elusive. Sometimes one side did not like, and other times had other reason for the failure. I also got exhausted, and longed for her marriage more than anybody else. In the third year, I introduced a man older than her by three years to her. The man was not in short of anything for marriage. I was, however, much cautious about the introduction.
I heard that she was dating smoothly but worried somehow. Nobody knows what will happen next in the course of dating. Hence, I told the couple manager that she would never push, and she only need give the couple the encouragement once in a while.
Six months had passed since, and I got the mail days ago.
When I look back the past three years, she had the reason to have a successful marriage.
First, she was ready enough to wait, but her mother was more than that. It took three years to get married. Even though the marriage is not foreseeable in the beginning, waiting will solve it in the end.
Second, we also maintained the good will continuously. We believed that we will bring the good result soon. We analyzed the dating pattern, the evaluation of the partners, and the feeling of her, etc.
Third, she maintained her self-control throughout the years. I think that every Korean youngster will be successful in marriage if he/she maintains their mind like this woman.
I received a large remuneration. I think this couple will have a happy married life ever after.
A woman will marry in March. She is one of the Korean-American women who are working hard as everybody does. I was contacted by her mother when she was 31 years old. Her mother called me after reading my column.
She decided to remain in the States after finishing her degree in a university. She had nothing special anyways. Her educational background, outward appearance, and job were not more excellent than those of others. Her father retired from a certain big corporation in Korea, and had a middle class family. When I met her mother for the first time, she asked me bluntly.
“When I looked the advertisement of other marriage information company, it had kind of express charge. Can you handle mine as an express case if I pay the so-called express charge?”
There are peoples who want to pay extra charges when they want the marriage in a short time or want sort of special kind of people as spouses. In many cases it is difficult to deny the proposal. It is easy to get much money if I take advantage of the psychological conditions.
It is, however, the way the couple manager should avoid, though. Sometimes I dream of her mother’s pitiful voice. In a long term business, I need to think about the dollars but the pennies. I said to her mother,
“You don’t need to pay extra charges. The only thing that you need to do is to promise me three conditions.”
First, it is not easy. It may be much difficult. The place where she lived had few ethnic Korean people. This is a fact, and we should accept the fact.
Second, you need wait for a while, though. There may be no acceptable partners currently. The meeting, however, may be made anytime because there is a steady flow of new subscribers.
Third, you need think this case as an insurance policy. You invested money in an account to select a good spouse for your daughter.
There were no available partners in the first year. In such case many subscribers secede from the subscription. Her mother and she were waiting without sudden give-up anyways.
In the second year, a person was introduced to her. Her mother begged.
“Aren’t there any other ways? My daughter is getting older year by year…”
There was only one thing that I can do.
“Can you please wait a little bit more?”
In the third year, a certain father consulted me. His son was living around two hour drive from the woman’s residence. The man was in a similar situation like hers. Hence, I introduced the man to the woman. There were all kinds of difficult stuffs in the course of introduction. At the first introduction, one party was not within contact. At the second introduction, one party lost the phone, and thus the meeting was not available. I was not to give up notwithstanding.
There are many women in the States who are in such situations. In this case she was lucky to make it even after a long waiting period. A new couple will be born in March this year after years of waiting.
“Thank you very much for your effort. I got married now. I will send the check right away.”
A certain man living in the States sent me this message. He met his partner 8 months ago through Sunoo, Inc., and will marry some time in next month. This man is much satisfied with the planned marriage but the partner’s feeling is somewhat different. The mother of the woman muttered.
“There were so much difficult situations up until this point.”
She did not even mention the commission. I got the feeling that the mother had sort of grievances. Sunoo, Inc. helped 5 couples marry in the States early this year.
The commission is now payable when the marriage is successful. In old times 6 partners were introduced when $3000.- earnest money was paid in advance. The commission is now $500.- earnest money in advance, and $50.- for each partner introduction and $2000.- payment when the marriage is successful. The burden for members got much reduced because they had to pay $3000.- in advance without knowing if it is going to be successful in the old system but now they are only to pay $2000.- when the marriage is successful.
“The members used to pay $3000.- without knowing the success of marriage in the old system. It’s easy and sure way to pay $2000.- when marriage is successful, isn’t it”
Some members brag adamantly. They, however, stealthily change the braggadocio. Like the above-mentioned mother of the bride, some members do not want to pay the commission in rear and feel that money is kind of waste. Maybe that’s the mentality of some people.
If a member are engaged and planning a marriage, he/she will have lots of hectic stuffs. One couple had a difficult decision-making about the residence. The States is such a humongous country. When an ethnic Korean man meets the partners, it is often times very difficult the man to meet the partners from the same places. It’s rather from places far away. It is a must to get together to marry and live together, and this makes the bride/bridegroom move their residence places. This situation gets entangled sometimes.
A couple who are to marry soon had a difficult decision-making about buying a home. The work places of the couple were far away from each other, and the couple had different ideas about the location of their future home. The point was whose work places should be closer/farther to the future home.
The bridegroom wanted the home should be closer to his work place because many times he comes back home quite late and the bride does not need be present in the work place quite often. The bride was, however, unsatisfied even though she thought her man’s idea was reasonable.
“I thought that I had not got the thoughtful consideration anyways. Therefore, I made grievances about the model of the house and the kitchen and etc. while I ask myself why I make such silly grievances.”
A third couple is living in the States and their parents are living in Korea. The couple would get 3 week leaves and would have their first parents’ meeting in marriage ceremony. They had no problem at all in the States. While their parents were meeting for the first time, there came out the different attitude and misunderstanding followed by accumulated discontent. The bridegroom whined about the marriage.
“I thought that I could marry when I love. Why is this so complicated anyways? I am worried I may not be able to marry at last?”
My experience as a match-maker for 13 years and 1000 marriage success makes me feel that it is the same in the States and in Korea for partners to meet, fall in love, and marry. People in the States may not care much about 3 – 4 driving because it is such a large country. People in Korea, however, may this much driving time seriously. Whatever the environmental difference is, it is the same that people think and rethink and re-rethink about the marriage decision, and get nervous. In other word, there is no 100% satisfied marriage.
The members may have this kind of agony for the first time. The match-makers are, however, experienced expert about such stuffs, and would say when they are consulted about this matter.
“C’est la vie. (Such is the life.)”
A marriage is not the endpoint but an on-going process. The process requires the couple to solve difficult entanglement. If there is no such process before the marriage, the problems will show up after marriage. If you don’t want to face a problem and thus avoid, I am sure you will face another serious problem. Therefore, a hasty decision such as “He/she may not be my partner.” may not be the solution. It is necessary to have flexibility and openness in mind.
Sometimes I get involved as a in the marriage of the sons and daughters of those couples that I helped marry a generation ago.
She was one of the second generation candidates. She was the daughter of the couples that I helped marry twenty some years ago. She was born in 1989, a tall, balanced, and healthy beauty. She is bright, and is a real beauty because she is a bride of virtue and sincerity. She studied at a university and grew up beautifully in a middle-class family.
Her impression was a fresh good experience to me. It is a blessing that peers can give such a bright and good feeling.
“You have the merits that can include any groom candidates. I think that you will have the best soon.”
I was searching her partners here and there like long-time hidden treasures.
“I want to marry soon but will wait for you to find me a real good groom.”
The couple manager got busy, too. The manager would not leave such a good bride without a groom candidate for long. The manager finally introduced a quality groom whom she knew personally to the bride.
I knew that man personally, too. The man had the qualifications that women would like their partners have. It would make the best couples ever and ever. The bride and the grooms were infatuated to each other from the beginning. They went on dating afterward.
Some month later, the mother of the bride called me,
“It seems that those two young ones love each other very much. Would you get involved in finding out what their minds are?”
I thought that the time was ripe enough. When I was trying to find out how they think about the marriage, an unexpected thing I never imagined was found out.
I got to know that the man had complex familial stuffs. The more I try to find out what’s wrong, the more I got sort of negative feelings about the man. The man seemed to be somehow egoistic, have strong characteristic traits, and be short of socializing manners.
Suddenly I was overcome by an unintelligible apprehension.
Could this beautiful lady be happy by marrying this man?
Shouldn’t I introduce a better man to this lady?
If I think of monetary stuffs only, I need to watch them while they go happy. They fell in love so much that it is highly possible they marry soon. I have, however, another thought that I should introduce the lady a better man than the current one.
Which way should I choose in such condition?
Sometimes the matchmaker’s principles and good faiths collide to each other.
I had a meeting that made me wake up and see how immense the world is, how far the Koreans are dispersed, and what they are doing now.
A certain father emailed me one day.
“I and my son are well-known around here. Thus I want to meet you face-to-face, and discuss things about my son’s marriage.”
I called back on the same day.
“How old is your son?”
“He is 23 years old.”
“Do you really want to make him get married so early? What’s the reason anyways?”
“I read your column frequently, and in the column you mentioned that early marriage is advantageous in many ways. I agree with you on that matter, and I have sort of urgent matter.”
I was wondering why this father was hurrying his son’s marriage. He came to the States as a student around 30 years ago. He majored engineering, and after graduation he worked as an engineer in a company. Later he founded his own engineering company, and the business was successful. He and his wife had two sons, and they also grew up fine. His first son was a renowned professor in a college.
This father was sort of a leader in Korean community, and wanted to have an ethnic Korean as his first daughter-in-law. The first son did not, however, follow his father’s wish, and it was the marriage. He went to his friend’s marriage to congratulate once, and he met his would-be wife there. She was an ethnic Chinese, and was the daughter of a wealthy Chinese entrepreneur who had a huge building in New York City.
People around the son talked about the marriage as a blessing, and he was regarded as a son-in-law of a multimillionaire. The father was, however, dismayed anyways. The father who kept a Korean tradition in his mind wanted his son to marry a Korean woman and live a happy life. The father wanted his son to marry an ethnic Korean who can share the Korean culture and emotion, and can communicate with parents-in-laws and her own parents.
“Hence, I wish my second son to marry an ethnic Korean woman.”
“Do you think that the youngsters would follow their parents’ advice? I think that they have their own ways of life.”
“That’s the reason why I want my second son to marry early.”
“If it does not go as far as marriage, I wish my son associate with an ethnic Korean woman, and have inclinations for the Korean stuffs.”
This father’s mind set represents those of the ethnic Koreans in the States. Their ways of thought may be different from the second generations who have American culture. Thus, when the introduction is to be made for marriage, such situation need be considered.
“Your son is still young, and has great potentials. I will look around to find a really good bride.”
“Great. I will wait and see what will happen. I do not know who the bride would be. I want you take care of this matter with sincerity because you also have lots of information.”
I spend half of the year in Korea, and the other half in the States doing business. Currently I am in Korea, and will look around for a good would-be bride in Korea. I thought of a woman who is the daughter of my long-time friend who lives close by in Pyungchang Dong in Seoul. The woman whom I know of from her elementary school days has become a bright beauty attending a renowned university now. I think that it would be nice to introduce her to the son, and I would call her mother and ask how she feels about this idea.
It happened some time ago. Ms. A is a so-called Gold Maid. She has graduated from a renowned university, is getting 6 digit paychecks, and is entitled to affluence in the device from her parents. She also has a fantastic appearance due to a long time yoga practices. All the doors in the marriage market were wide open to this lady who was born in 1985, and was nothing short of anyways.
I introduced an equivalent quality of prospective bridegroom Mr B to her. The two liked each other at the first glance. Mr B was shivering in excitement after the first encounter.
“My hobby is enjoying classical fine art, and he told me that he is a good artist. I felt that I was snug and familiar even at the first meeting.“
Ms A told me that her partner’s first impression was awesome, and the topics of talk were the better.
“It is very rare that any man is interested in fine art except those who majored it in university.”
I did not expect that, either. It is my first experience that I met such a fantastic man.
Mr B was the first son, and had two younger sisters. He was tall and slender, and was to inherit his parents’ business soon. I expected that these two would make a fantastic couple because they were compatible in their characters and were communicating very well.
As the meetings went on, there came the talks of marriage. Maybe it is the expected results. One day, however, the mother of Mr B called me and begged me on the phone.
“Mr Lee, this meeting is impossible. Please make it null and void.”
“Ma’am, what is the matter? What went wrong with this matter?”
“It’s impossible for me to have a daughter-in-law who would not have children. My son is a second-generation only child. How can these two be compromised?”
She was too much astounded to keep her talks. The mother’s worry was that she heard Ms A had no inclination of having children even though she had the willingness to marry Mr B. I called Ms A right after the talk.
“I fell also deep in agony. I liked Mr B, and thought of him as compatible as it can be. “
“How do you think of changing your mind? ”
“I thought of such matter from long time ago. If couples love each other, sort of different things, I thought, would be solved in time. But this problem is beyond Mr B’s control, isn’t it?”
She was steadfast.
I called Mr B, and asked.
“How would you bridge over such different thoughts and values?”
Mr B’s answer remained for a long time as a lingering reverberation.
It may sound reasonable to some to have children and raise them with love, while others find the value of living in themselves rather than in the future generations. Especially increasing number of woman who can only bring forth the children into this world has such an idea, and the number of man who supports such idea is increasing, too.
The unmarried singles do not associate with partners who have different political viewpoints.
It is important to have a certain likes and dislikes of foods. It is also important to have sort of common hobbies.
In male-female meeting, it is better to have more things in common. If it is so, what about the political viewpoint?
The Korean Marriage and Culture Institute, a subsidiary of the marriage information company Sunoo Inc., surveyed 666 men and women (415 males and 252 females). Only 2 kinds of questions were asked. If you have potential partners who have an opposite political viewpoint from yours, will you meet her/him?
67% of those surveyed responded “yes.”
The important point is that 33% of those responded “no.” In other words, 1 in every 3 persons opposed meeting with those who have opposite political viewpoints. In males, 75% replied that they would have meeting with those who have opposite political viewpoint, while 56% of females replied that they would meet. Hence, the difference between sexes is about 20% point.
The survey data showed that more females do not like to meet those who have opposite political viewpoint than males do. For reference, the political leaning of the surveyed were 37% liberal, 18% conservative, and the remaining 45% neutral or not leaning to any one side.
The fact that the political viewpoint influences the male-female meeting indicates that one need respect the other’s viewpoint.
You can marry a beauty when you marry before you get 29 years old.
What is the possibility of marriage when a 45 year old man talks of outward appearance?
I happened to know a certain 25 year old man around 20 years ago. He was like one of my peers, and thus I was interested in him much. He was a delicate artist, and most women who dated him liked him. He did not, however, like those women saying that he did not have a liking toward them. I have introduced him women around 10 years afterwards but his attitude was inveterate. He visited me days ago. He was still single but his youthfulness evaporated already. He was bold and potbellied. Notwithstanding his changed figure, he was daydreaming and still talking of physical attractiveness. I gave up trying to help him on that day because the possibility of finding a woman of his liking may be almost over.
You can marry when you depreciate the outward appearance as you get old.
As men get old, the success rate of marriage also gets reduced because their financial capacity gets reduced as well as they get more interested in outward appearance or liking. They do not admit that their marriage market gets smaller as they get old. They may become obstinate saying that they have financial capacity or they look much younger than their age.
Old men need have flexibility regarding outward appearance. In fact many men marry by not being tenacious of outward appearance. There are several facts regarding this point. There are analysis data between the men’s age and their women partner’s outward appearance. A survey data of 3291 spouses of 29-38 year old men’s age group regarding the physical attractiveness such as height and outward appearance show quite interesting results. As men get old, the index of the physical attractiveness of their spouses decreases. For example, the index for 30 year old men is 81.77, for 33 year old men 81.11, and for 37 year old men 79.71. The data do not show that, as men get old, men do marry physically less attractive women but do show that the men’s feeling of the importance of the physical attractiveness of spouses decreases.
What does this mean? It is that older men are likely to think the physical attractiveness of their spouses is not much important.
If you are a man and think that your partner’s outward appearance is important, you need marry before reaching 29 years.
The analysis gives men very important messages.
First, men need marry before reaching 29 years if they want spouse’s physical attractiveness or feeling. The index of physical attractiveness drops from 82.11 at the age group of 29 years to 81.77 at the age group of 30 years. If we regard the physical attractiveness as a criterion, men feel the highest satisfaction on their spouse’s physical attractiveness when they are 29 years old.
Second, the current trend is that the women prefer men of lesser age difference. This does not necessarily mean that women do not like old men. Nowadays women are exposed to mass media enough to marry men younger than they are. Besides, when men get old, their remaining period of economic activity gets shorter. This can be a potential cause of financial difficulties that women may face sometime shortly. Thus women may not be attracted to old men even though they look young physically.
Third, women also think that men’s physical attractiveness is very important. Young men’s pulchritude may appeal more to women than the old men’s dignified attitude does. Isn’t it natural that a woman of adoration for her beauty seeks a man of youthfulness among his peers?
If you want a beauty, it is a MUST that YOU MARRY EARLY!
You are married or not married yet?
A mother who came to enroll her son as a member yelled at the couple manager.
“My son is not married yet. Why is he already married?”
“I heard through grapevine telegraph that your son had been in marriage already.”
“His cohabitation was only couple of months. He never got marriage license. He is sure a never-married single by law.”
“I heard that your son had a marriage ceremony, and everybody knows that. How could you insist that your son is legally never married?”
The mother wanted to give her son a membership as a single, never-married man. There are a few such cases around. Cohabitation without marriage license is commonly called common law marriage. Common law marriage is not marriage in the eyes of law. The common law marriage is, however, different from simple cohabitation because it had marriage ceremony or the intent of marriage. The law intervenes somehow in this respect.
Is common law marriage equal to legal marriage?
Miss A married one of her colleagues after around 1 year’s billing and cooing. She got, however, a confession from her husband one day. Her husband told her that he had had a wife by marriage ceremony, but had terminated the cohabitation because of miscarriage and incompatible characters. He told her that the marriage was not licensed, that he and his wife made a clean dissolution, and there is nothing to worry about. She was baffled.
“My husband trivialized it like a daily stuff. I think, however, that is nothing less than a marriage. I don’t know what to do about this matter.”
As divorce/dissolution increases recently, the early divorce that terminates the marriage right after the marriage ceremony increases, too. Some people may delay getting the marriage license because they want to get it “after some trial period.” Others may terminate the relationship even before they have their honeymoon baggage put back in the storage. Hence, the so-called common law marriage/cohabitation increases.
Couples who delay the marriage license because they are busy or they want to do it after “a certain trial period.”
Years ago The Sunoo, Inc. surveyed the married couples without marriage licenses. 71% of the surveyed replied that they had been too busy to get the licenses, and 13.7% replied that they wanted to get the licenses after a certain trial period. 4.8% replied that they didn’t need licenses at all. The common law marriage is increasing due to the diminishing expectation about marriage and the modern hectic life.
Mr B, who is 32 years old, was once like a hero in a movie.
He met a beautiful once-in-lifetime lady, and they hurried to marry within couples of months. However, a certain man stood up in their marriage ceremony, and shouted that he is the husband of the bride. The fact was that bride was once in cohabitation with that man. To make it worse, the pretentious attitude of the woman made the cohabitation develop to common law marriage because the man thought that he had the real intent to marry her. In such cases, Mr B may look miserable. It is very unlikely that the introduction of never-married single woman to him for marriage. If someone had been through marriage ceremony or lived like a common law spouse, he/she would not be treated as never-married single anymore.
A certain 69 year old ethnic Korean gentleman’s marriage proposal with 7 conditions
I am getting lots of mail inquiry from those who have read my global love story. Recently I received a mail from a certain gentleman living in the States. He was born in 1947. As it is talked about “the age of centenarian,” the marriage in the old age has become a common thing. I think that the marriage after the mid-sixties would be termed as the marriage of the olds.
I think that a man is still a young man even after the mid-sixties. The man had been financially successful in his business. His wife passed away years ago, and is expecting a son’s marriage. He told me that he wanted to spend his golden ages snugly when his only son’s marriage. To be happy, he even thought of re-marriage. Afterwards, I exchanged emails and talked on the phone about the marriage with him.
“Would marriage be available to me? I am getting to 70 year old man… ”
“As you are well aware of as a resident of the States, Why not a romance is available to old people like you “
“Ahh…. , Sometimes. I was too busy in doing business for such a long time. I feel that I am afraid of meeting a woman at this age.”
“I think you will surely say that you did a good judgment when you reminisce the many years that have gone by.”
His mail whiffs his intelligence, and his voice tone and accent had the gentleness. His gray-haired photos show his cultivated politeness. He seems like to have a self-esteem even though he says ‘I am almost 70 years old, and so and so.” I could not believe that such a gentleman could be single for so long time after his wife passed away.
“You are sure to have the pulchritude, sir”
“I feel dizzy in such a situation. However, I feel that I am getting sort of self-esteem.”
“Do you have special conditions for prospective bride?”
“Maybe I dreamed of much big things. What a hectic stuff it is! I will let you know by emails.”
Later, he mailed me, and the conditions are as follows.
1. She need have a bright look.
2. She need be spendthrift and frugal.
3. She need be around 8 to 13 years younger than I am.
4. She need be without dependent children.
5. She need be getting around 1 million Korean won as pension monthly (1 million Korean won may be equivalent to around 1 thousand US dollars.)
6. She need be able to drive and golf.
7. Finally, If we love each other, we need marry within 2 years.
His conditions may be ideal and punctilious. They are clear-cut, however. It is meaningful when I think of this is the ideal wife. The bright composure means the positive mind, and the spendthrift may be the afterthought of long years of business. The age difference may be the traits of his contemporaries.
No dependent children will be his wishes because he will not have one when his son marries out. One million Korean won life annuity is not exorbitantly much money. When a woman has money, she can be so much independent from her husband financially. A woman at these ages may have her unique world, and thus there might be some spending that she does not want to expose to the husband. Driving and golfing may help the spouses enjoy the life in the States anyways.
It will be difficult even to me to find the suitable partners. This may be kind of male romance. My experience tells me, however, that there are solutions for every problem. There are cases that got solved easily even with 100 conditions, and also cases that could not have solutions even with 1 or 2 conditions. The solutions are up to the partners. If the man has the capacity to solve any problems, he will surely solve it. I interviewed him after a while.
The man visited Korea days after. I think that he made such a sudden visit to Korea to have an interview regarding the partner selection because he has the financial capacity and urgent desire to meet a woman. My first impression did prove that he was the exact person that I imagined. He was healthy, had sharp vision and discreet behavior, and had an entrepreneurial stamina. Such a man has difficulty in meeting his ideal woman, but once he meets one, it is very probable that he will succeed. He has the male pulchritude and is ready to marry any time. I proposed him that I will be his matchmaker on some conditions.
“Sure, you are the prime candidate at your age group. Your prospective bride is sure to be a prime candidate at her age group. It will take time to find one, and there may be sort of difficulty to overcome. Will you believe me and wait a while?” “Of course, I have lived alone for more than 10 years. Why should I take haste now?”
Such is the beginning of a marriage of a prime candidate. I searched the data base for the suitable partners at the age group of 56 through 61, and selected 10 candidates. I asked him to meet the 4 candidates at firsthand. The first woman was refused by the man because of the same family name. The second woman refused to meet him because she thinks the age difference was too much for a marriage. The third woman was refused by the man because she had an unattractive impression. Finally, the fourth woman is waiting the man’s response.
I think that this man is looking female attractiveness in addition to the above 7 conditions. The selection of candidates got much pickier, and I feel it. I understand that this is the “age of centenarian” as far as there is no extraterrestrial’s invasion. There is no strange thing about the age of centenarian. The man who is now 69 years old may well be living 30 more years. It is merciless for him to live that many years alone. I wonder if there shows up a prime woman who is an ideal for this 69 year old prime man.
I wish I would encourage this man for the MARRIAGE.
The First Man
I spent Thanksgiving in Seattle. Whether it is in the States or in Korea, people get together, and enjoy the holidays by talking about the possible marriages of their sons and daughters. I got a phone call from a woman who lives in the Midwest. She had a pulchritudinous son, who was born in 1978 and was a medical doctor.
The second Man
The day before Thanksgiving I got a phone call from parents whso have a son and live in the West. Their son was also a handsome professional. The parents were, however, blue because they could not find the prospective bride yet.
And a woman
I thought of a woman whom I met 2 years ago after getting those two phone calls. She was a smart medical doctor, was born and raised in an affluent family. She lived, however, in a community where few Koreans lived, and thus had very limited chances of meeting. She was not able to meet a good gentleman at that time, keeps on contacting me through her mother.
These 2 men and one woman got involved in the same situation
The mother of the woman called me after the meeting with one man. She could not talk to me on the phone at first. Couple of minutes later, she said, “I feel like I got haunted.” I replied, “What happened?” She said, “My daughter is now at my home to spend the Thanksgiving.” She said, “I feel like something good could happen.” Her daughter was not married yet, and she was ready to meet any gentleman if I introduce.
After hanging up the phone, I got a phone call from the parents of a gentleman. They proposed to have a lunch together tomorrow. I got in touch with the 3 young men and woman around the same time. Things went on that way without any intention anyways.
The presents of Thanksgiving
I think I have to introduce the 2 men to the woman. Though it will not work out to be a meaningful meeting, I think that anything like “destiny” will get involved if I keep on searching the partners in the data base and wait.
Thanksgiving is a day that reminds me that it is paramount to give the members the wishes and hopes by keeping the member information in mind and letting them informed on time.
I think this is the priceless present of Thanksgiving.
Currently I am supervising a matching service for 6 months in Korea and the other 6 months in the States. The business that had begun in a small attic has grown up to be a global business in 26 years.
While I am doing matchmaking, I have lots of hard times, really hard times especially in the States. There are many first-class brides and first-class bridegrooms who have only a few chances of meeting in the States. If it were in Korea, they must have a variety of choices.
A mother consulted me about her son’s marriage. This gentleman born in 1976 is a best candidate as he is tall and does a lucrative hotel business inherited from his parents. He had, however, very limited chances of meeting because his parents wanted him to marry an ethnic Korean woman. Another woman from New Jersey was graduated from a renowned university, and is a dental doctor. She told me that she and her parents wanted an ethnic Korean gentleman, and thus she had few chances of meeting.
Now I am in the States for several months, and getting these kinds of requests frequently. Each and every one of them is the best candidates for marriages. There will be hundreds of these kinds of men and women in the States. The United States is such a humongous country that these men and women have difficulty in finding the suitable partners. I think I have responsibility to have these men and women meet their partners because they ask help at Sunoo, Inc.
The mothers of these men and women make calls for around 80% of women and 60% of men applicants. Once a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey called me, said that his son is a really good candidate, and asked me to give his son a chance. When I checked the member listing, I found out that his son’s name was already on the list. In such cases I feel pride that Sunoo, Inc. is doing a really good job.
I am working a day by perusing the application materials, meeting those applicants and their parents, and musing on what the future of the applicants will be.
Currently there are lots of inquiries from Korea. If there were 2 inquiries per month in the past, there are around 10 inquiries per month now. It is tenfold increase. This means that there are so many people who want come to the States to live. A certain beauty A was born in 1989 in Korea, and her father is an upper-class entrepreneur in Korea. She might do it well if she wants to marry in Korea. A certain man B is 32 years old, and graduated from a renowned university in Korea. His father is a high-level public officer, his brother is a medical doctor, and was brought up in an affluent family. He majored engineering in college, and wants to work and advance his career in Silicon Valley.
The world has changed a lot, and people may do almost they want in Korea. Nevertheless, the United States is regarded as kind of a utopia and the center of the world among the multitude of the young people. Therefore, many young people want to live in the States by marrying somebody in the States. The interesting thing is that there are many who want to stay in the States after marriage but only a few want to stay in Korea after marriage. Whether it is from Korea to the States or from the States to Korea, the young people’s meetings get more frequent as IT develops.
The development of IT is changing the ways the young couples meet. How do the people meet in the global marriage market?
When a man wants to meet a woman in Korea, he need have his messages sent to Korean prospective partners. The message of the couple manager contains the man’s age, occupation, religion, etc. The couple manager does not detail the man’s office name and the university name he graduated. Generally around 100 candidates apply. The couple manager does peruse all the responses from the prospective women, and select around 30 candidates who may be fit to the wishes of the man.
When the man peruses the information of the 30 candidates, and select 15 among the 30 candidates, the couple manager and the man discuss about it, and reduce the number of candidates around 10. The exchanges of communication points are made around this time, and the man communicates with these women through phone calls, emails, and SNS. This process will help the man to find out who is the fittest. The couple manager confirms the willingness of the 10 candidates, and makes the final candidate list about who is going to meet the gentleman in Korea.
When a woman wants to meet a man in the States, she will go through the same process. Such is the trend of meeting based on IT. Especially there are many meetings between candidates in Korea and in the States. The ethnic Korean candidates in the States are still accepting the advices from parents, and they are trying hard to accommodate the parental advices and wishes in their marriages.
Through the years of marriage counseling in the States, I could feel that there are big differences in the philosophy of marriage between the young ethnic Koreans in the States and the young ones in Korea. It is evident when you think of the conditions of favored grooms among the prospective brides.
The parents living in the Midwest applied for the matchmaking service once. The father graduated from a renowned university in Korea, had a profession, and got reputation and wealth. The parents had one son and one daughter. The daughter had an international marriage. The father was eager to have his son married a Korean. His son was, however, rather an average person compared to his father.
He graduated from a middle-level university and was doing quite a big building management enterprise. He was tall and had a good character. I think that this kind of man is sure to get 90+ point among the prospective Korean brides. In Korea, a man with a stable realty income is the most wanted after the collapse of life time occupation concept. The trend that says rich salary worker is better than poor judge is increasing. I think that such a phenomenon is not solely the result of Korean woman’s adherence to wealth.
The men and women that enter the marriage market nowadays had experienced the hard times in the foreign currency crisis and the following economic depression. Getting a job in Korea had been so much difficult. These experiences made young Korean generation “money-wise” in certain ways. Therefore, if the son had been in Korea, I am sure that he would have many chances of getting the spouse.
I introduced a woman with 90+ points to the son. She was a professional with $100,000.- salary, and living in the East Coast. The mother of the woman was satisfied by saying that,” he is sure to be a good man because he was born and raised in such a good family environment.” The response from the daughter was, however, the opposite. The mother was sorry to me that her daughter insisted that she would not meet the prospective spouse. When I asked why she was refusing, the mother told me that the reason was that the man had no profession.
The second woman I introduced to the man had talent and beauty. She was working in an advertisement company with a degree from a university. The father of the prospective partner called me after a while, and said,” I think he is a good man but I think my daughter think in a different way.” The woman did not like a man without an occupation. The most important thing is the man’s capacity, and the financial capacity that the man has currently is not the crops from his works. I was confused a lot because I was not accustomed to the differences of culture and practice between those in the States and in Korea.
I tried to introduce two more times afterwards, but it was not successful due to the refusal of the prospective brides.
I visited the family, conversed with honorable parents and the good young man, and I was certain that this young man was really a good man. A certain woman in the East Coast requested a counsel about the marriage of her daughter whose profession is a medical doctor. I talked about this man, and the woman’s response was positive.
I flew 4 hours by airplane to meet her daughter and talked about this matter because I thought that direct converse would be better than the indirect one through her mother. The lady looked bright and smart. I began talking about the man very cautiously but with a firm belief because I was worried that the man might be regarded as a man without an occupation.
I said,” This man has choices of doing anything if he wants. Building management is more than simply collecting rents. It requires a mind of professionalism. His parents’ wealth is also a merit point. When you have a stable income, you can indulge in whatever you want.” It seemed that my 4 hour flight got worked, and that they believed sincerely what I had said.
I returned after getting their confirmation that they would meet the man. Both partners contacted after a while, and I heard that they promised that the lady would visit the man.
It was a meeting done after many attempts and long endurance.
A beauty born in 1982 living in Kangnam ( A Newtown in Seoul) will come to the States in November to have a meeting with a prospective partner.
She is healthy, has an awesome and beautiful skin, and is stylish. At a glance, she looks like a beauty in plastics. She is, however, a natural beauty. She graduated from a renowned university in Seoul, is a fluent English speaker, and is very active in sports and liberal. She grew up in a family of wealth and peace. If she wanted to find a partner in Korea, she could have a long queue of prospective partners. She comes to the States to meet the partners in the States because she has a dream to live and enjoy the great American life.
On the contrary, there is a 55 year old gentleman with a stable income from an enterprise. He is a true gem in his contemporaries because he has a good job and financial capacity. This gentleman will go to Korea to have a meeting with his prospective partner. In recent years, the frequency of coming to the States and going back to Korea to meet partners has increased pretty much. Thus, the geographical distance between the prospective partners has become meaningless.
Of course there are other factors such as language and the time he/she has been in the States in the female-male meeting. It seems that people are getting to understand the cultural background and personal values nowadays. A man goes back to Korea and a woman comes to the States to meet partner in November, and I wonder how happy they would be after the meetings.
The phone rang, and I responded, hello! A woman over 70 years old called me, and the voice was impressive. I could tell that this woman had taken the brunt of life by herself. She told me that she is currently managing a restaurant in the States, and that she was a Korean nurse employed in West Germany.
She has 3 children, and called me to get counsel about the marriage of her eldest son. Her son graduated from a well-known university, and worked in a global enterprise. He is, however, now helping his mother in the restaurant. She told me that her son got H1 visa times ago, and now he is in an illegal status. I do not know how the American visa is granted exactly. I could not understand, however, why such a man with a college degree and professional career should be in illegal status.
She said,” I have already bought a home for him. He is such a good man.” Her voice has kind of melancholic tone. She proposed a plan to me. She said,” Would you, sir, come to my restaurant to see my son, and tell me if you could arrange a marriage?” She promised me that she would return the expense afterwards if I could simply pretend to be one of the daily customers in that restaurant.
She was born in Korea, spent her youth as a nurse in Germany, and is now an old woman in the States. She spent her youth positively by taking the brunt of life, but could be only a “mother” in front of her son’s destiny.
I decided to meet that man once. I have been to the restaurant with 2 couple managers in a weekend. When I entered saying “hello,” the mother was surprised, and murmured, “You’ve really come.” As I ordered food, she disappeared intentionally to let us see her son working. The son looked healthy and normal. He looked, however, somewhat blue. If the son were in Korea, I think he would be a good husband with that kind of educational background and family. He is, however, an illegal alien even though he is all Americanized in the past 22 years.
I came out of the restaurant after paying $30.- dollars. The mother followed us right afterward and tried to reimburse but I did not get the money back.
And couple of days passed.
The son has hard time now. He has nothing to do even though he returns to Korea.
He is supposed to stay in the States. What’s best for him?
I am pondering over it. It was a meeting of difficult decision-making.
There is a big difference in the meetings of prospective spouses in the States and in Korea. There is “dating companies” in the States that sponsor the meeting only. American people are accustomed to meet each other by their individual feelings. Korean marriage sponsoring company sponsors, however, the meeting on the ground of age, occupation, education level, the place where he/she is from, the parents’ education level and occupation, and many other pertinent things.
Such Korean marriage culture may be somehow strange to those who lived in the States for a long time. A few of those who lived long time in the States may dislike the Korean marriage culture because it puts more importance on those conditions rather on the love.
The basic principles governing the meeting are, however, the same in the States and in Korea. For example, the daughters of the ex-president Obama have high probability of meeting partners in the people that Obama meets. In other words, the family environment and the parental influence get involved greatly in the meeting partners.
There are a variety of ways in meeting partners in the world. Whatever way you may choose, the final decision-making is up to the partners, and the emotion and attraction works here. When the meeting is not fickle enough to be a day’s play but for the marriage, is it possible to meet without the basic quintessential knowledge of prospective spouse’s family, education level, and occupation/profession?
We provide a brief history of a person that may be used as a criterion for the choices of marriage. Such brief history of a person may not be negated as useless conditions without love. Marriage life needs many common things such as common hobby, common conversation topics, and common living.
Dating may be done awhile without such common things when people are blinded by emotion or the environment. When people are married through such dating, the shortage of common things may bring in the divorce sooner or later. The feeling of love may work fine at the beginning of meeting but may not necessarily guarantee the happiness in the marriage life.
If you insist that love is the paramount thing that covers all problems, I would say it will be okay for a while with burning love. However, when the spouses are not conversant to each other, have a completely different set of hobby, have disproportionate education level, and have a much foreign set of family history, they would not have much in common anyways.
In consideration of these phenomena, marriage sponsoring company provides the criteria that can minimize the divorce probability, and thus that maintain the marriage life as happy as possible by the consideration of family background, education level, etc. Our way of marriage is that considers all these pertinent things to perpetuate the wedlock as happy as ever.
Why do Korean parents meddle in the marriages of the sons and daughters?
I’ve done marriage business for 13 years in the States, and 26 years in Korea. I’ve watched lots of couples meet and marry ( 1,100 couples in the States and 30,000 couples in Korea), and I feel much about the Korean culture and the emotional heritage work here.
Korean “Chungmae” is based on completely different background from that of American. Those things may be the presents, marriage expanses, and marital harmony by fortuneteller. The American couples may freely engage in, and marry as they please. Especially, the question “Why do Korean parents interfere in the marriages of the sons and daughters?” may not be understood, and thus couples can’t agree with their parents on this matter.
Couples may feel that they have too many things on their hands, and think that they have the sole decision-making in marriage affairs. Thus some couples have troubles with their parents.
There is so-called Korean “DNA” in the mind of 1st generation Korean parents who got education in Korea or came to the States as adults. The Korean “DNA” has the paramount importance in family and children. Even nowadays many Koreans have only one or two children because the upbringing and education are so much expensive, and thus people say that “ The life of the children is the parents’ transcript.” Such Korean characteristics show up even they live the States. Watch your parents and you will find them. Your parents are those who do whatever they can do to educate their children by working hard in a steaming laundry shop, in a greasy car repair shop, in a sweaty factory, or in a restaurant.
Koreans put the most importance in family life, and thus they cherish the family life. In old times people lived until death together, and there were no divorce or dissolution. Many Koreans hid the divorce/dissolution up until 1980. To the Koreans, the marriage is the paramount family business. Therefore, the “Chungmae” has long history in Korea where marriage is arranged by family members or close acquaintances.
The “Chungmae” practice has decreased in 1990 through 2000. About 30% of Korean marriages are, however, made by “Chungmae” today. If you take consideration about such Korean tradition and feeling, I think you will begin to understand your parents, rather I wish you to understand.
A man born in 1984 with a previous marriage experience is waiting for a woman.
He is a US citizen, lives in upstate New York, and a successful entrepreneur with a home worth $600,000.- He is 168 – 170 cm tall, and has a face like that of handsome college student. He has a good profession and earns $150,000.- yearly. His parents are in education business in Korea, and rich. He is bright and active. He can accommodate any woman. The reason that he is single is that he is so much busy that he could not able to date out much. He has one marriage record that is almost on paper only.
The couple manager recommend a healthy woman to apply, and make a happy and harmonious life. Woman’s financial capacity is not an important factor, but Korean educational background is highly appreciated.
Applications from woman who want to have such a wonderful man as spouse are welcome.
Couple manager: Violet, phone 201-771-3118, email@example.com
Professional men born in 1980 through 1983 are asked to apply for a marriage to an only daughter born in 1985 by a rich Korean entrepreneur.
She started her middle school in the States, graduated from a renown university. Her height is 163 cm.
She does not have jobs yet because she is not financially in need. She has no religion yet, however, she would have when her spouse has one. She loves playing tennis, and active in sports. She is good at Korean and English. Her parents are currently in Korea, and a rich entrepreneur.
She loves to meet men with good character and excellent health. The couple manager would recommend a man with profession and excellent health.
Applications from men with the desire to meet such a wonderful woman are welcome.
Couple manager: Violet, 201-771-3118, firstname.lastname@example.org